My Supposed Existence

Sorry to say...

2005-09-20T15:03:00.000-05:00

Well, for the simple reason that more than one person actually reads my "other" blog-I've moved to MYSPACE.Yeah, I'll pay penance later. Shut up.Not that I don't dig that one dude that reads my blog here, you know. Grr, baby.Move on up!

Gettin' Lazy.

2005-09-04T23:56:00.001-05:00

I've been going through this very reflective period- where I don't know if this is what I want to do with my life. I've been tired, sore, and angry. I snap at my patients- even the ones I like. You know how you act when you say "Sorry- I'm just having a bad day..."? I'm like that every day. I've lost control of what comes out of my mouth. It used to be one of my more redeeming qualities-

I can't say it any better than this...

2005-08-31T13:38:00.000-05:00

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of

He said "let's go," I said "hell, no..."

2005-08-29T18:54:00.000-05:00

Being the bigger person, extending the hand of friendship. I admire it, I really do. But you know how I am. I can't be friends with an ex, and especially an ex who tore my heart out and wiped his ass with it. I'm glad you found your stuff. And I'm glad that you no longer think that I'm trying to turn your family against you. And I'm glad you're happy. I hope the two of you remain that way for a

Who nurses the nurse?

2005-08-29T09:26:00.000-05:00

I'm sick.I've finally resigned to admitting this- instead of "oh, it's just a cough..."I feel like hell. And I further feel like... well, I don't know. I guess I'm happy. I'm crazy in love with this guy who was frickin' custom made for me... I have a good job. Decent GPA...I'm tired. But other than that.I was right. I do lose my edge when I'm "happy" in a relationship. Most of my best "bits"

Here I go again...

2005-08-28T09:22:00.000-05:00

I've reached this point where "now" is wasting time until I can see him again.How in the hell did this happen. I mean... last week, I was in my car, blasting the ultimate single-and-loving-it-song "99 Problems (But a bitch ain't one)"... singing at the top of my lungs, enjoying my freedom to spend my money on what-the-fuck I want to spend it on.Resigning my fate to actually be alone for a

Unsent

2005-08-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

God. I just don't know anymore. My whole cynical system has failed me and I'm actually starting to believe in the existance of "the One" again.Like when Big flies to Paris to "rescue" Carrie. He puts his jacket around her, looks deep into her eyes and says, "Carrie, you're the one."I can cry just thinking that "the One" might not be fiction after all.The only downfall to this revelation is

Ow, my most of me!

2005-08-26T10:34:00.000-05:00

I'm staring at my cell phone. A couple of hours ago, I read something that touched me so deeply, I have become absolutely speechless.And sex wasn't even involved. Amazing.I want to call Richard. I want to call him and tell him ...what do I want to tell him? What could I tell him that wouldn't make me sound like some yippity pup, nipping at his heels and begging for his

Hey, You...

2005-08-26T03:16:00.000-05:00

I changed my mind. I do want to put up something sort of personal. I can't describe it. I haven't felt this genuinely excited about being "involved" with someone for a long time. Yeah, I get excited about random sexual encounters, but there's something very sweet about you. You're funny, kind, and a total smartass, and oh, so talented. I don't ever remember feeling as secure as I do with

The funniest frickin' thing I've ever seen.

2005-08-25T18:26:00.000-05:00

Coffee? Tea? Me?

2005-08-25T11:12:00.000-05:00

So, I'm going to have to take a break from the stuff that's none of your business for a while. I think maybe I'm running out of things to talk about on dates.I don't make apologies for who I am. I am blunt, harsh, and can be very crude. But I'm also soft, sweet, and overly motherly to those I think are deserving. Sometimes, I make incorrect judgments, but I always do what is right in my heart

Back By Popular Demand- Sex!

2005-08-21T16:37:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I probably screwed up something with great potential by sleeping with this awesome guy that I met. He's 34, has two kids, divorced, the whole deal- and he's a little revert back to my original "ideal" type. Tall and pudgy.Snuggles.Of course, the sex was amazing. Props, props...But now there's this certain degree of awkwardness... I can't explain it. It's almost like, this is a guy that I

Wow.

2005-08-18T17:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, it takes diving into the problems of others to make you forget your own. I feel so bad for my Nurse Manager, who was kind of thrown into her manager role right after getting her MSN. She is so overwhelmed by everything, and it seems like most of the people on days and evenings are either brand new and don't want to do anything, or have been at the VA for a 100 years and still don't

I'm sorry to report...

2005-08-17T21:11:00.000-05:00

That the cover of "strong independent single woman" is quickly crumbling.I'm having a bad day, I suppose. I just feel really sad and alone.But I need to get off of my crucifix, in case someone needs the wood.

The Sweetest Goodbye...

2005-08-17T14:19:00.000-05:00

Not only did I need the road trip because I was going frickin' stir crazy, but the original intention was to go see our friend Alana, who moved to east Tennessee a few months or so agoWell, as what tends to happen when I try to make plans, Kelly got sick and couldn't make the drive here from Alabama.I had already made the hotel reservations, and deeply had my heart set on getting out of the house

Best Road-Trip Ever.

2005-08-16T21:35:00.000-05:00

I'll more than likely be wiping off the Va-Ca Woot site and putting up pictures from this, the best road trip ever. Desi and I (along with her small companion, Lela) drove to Pigion Forge for a day, went to the Aquarium, browsed the Christmas Store, and got pretty damn tipsy in a hotel room.It was sweet.I'll write more on it later, as well as post some pictures. I'm a sleepy lady.Did I mention

How's about some double deuce action!?

2005-08-14T11:47:00.000-05:00

How Nintendo Are You?How Jedi Are You?Got a letter back from Aiden :)I'm not going to post it. I need some privacy, you know.(Yeah, right)Anyway... I'm not so worried anymore. And he likes my cutthroat honesty, I think. I'm glad I sent him that letter. It needed to be said, and I think he's worth waiting for as long as he realizes that I can't wait forever.*happy again*

Dear Jailbait:

2005-08-13T19:44:00.000-05:00

You have to be out of your mind if you think I kept a fucking thing that belonged to Bob. Like I said, I took everything outside on the porch and changed the locks on the door. Bob didn't have to wait until midnight to get his stuff, he CHOSE to wait until midnight to get his stuff. I very clearly told him that it would be sitting outside waiting for him. I did love him. I loved him more deeply

Dear Me: Again

2005-08-13T19:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, so apparently, the previous letter wasn't from jailbait. Maybe his younger sister? Whatever. Anywho, I got a letter from the real jailbait. Save your criticisms for the end, k?subject: i'm sorry.i hate to say it but if you really loved him you wouldve nevr hurt him... u dont know how upset he was... i feel so bad for all this but u just had to move on sumtime... and you never will if you

Hopefully you'll get this one...

2005-08-12T19:32:00.000-05:00

Anyway, you were really close to finding my blog. I really don't mind if you read it, because it's really nothing more than I'd told you already. 'Cept less sugar coated, I guess.So, I'm just kind of in this weird place right now, because I'm thrown back to before, where I would spend so much time gushing to my friends about how much I really like you, and I really didn't get to see you. Yeah,

I won't keep the lighthouse forever, promise.

2005-08-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, we're gonna be under construction for a little while. Enjoy the pretty pictures.

NOW I'm done...

2005-08-12T16:38:00.000-05:00

Took the German 1020 final yesterday. Ugh. I'm not really particularly looking forward to the results, but if I can just PASS, I'll be ok.Nicht besonders gut.The grades are supposed to be up by monday.Ohh, for the God in Hollywood class, there is this final exam which is something of a scavenger hunt over the some-250 pages of handouts over the course. I finished it and e-mailed it to him on

Ohkay, so I THOUGHT I was done...

2005-08-10T08:12:00.000-05:00

With my God in Hollywood Class... I thought there's one paper left- the big one. An overview of my feelings about this class blah blah.Turns out, I only e-mailed the professor 5 papers (instead of 6) and I still have to write some kind of review over the book-of-the-movie that I read, which was The Last Temptation of Christ.Which was long, difficult to understand, and even more difficult to

Ohkay, I have to get this out.

2005-08-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

This has been buggin' me.This is Big's blog entry.Here I am I now have a blog. I am a walking enigma. I like all kinds of music less country and am a total gamer ie trading cards, video games, online games. but I will normally drop these to talk to my girl. so there is an enigma in itself I will graduate college... eventually. why can't i be done yet? grr.What is so enigmatic about a 23 year

Argh.

2005-08-09T08:23:00.000-05:00

Tests today. Oral exam in German today.In oh, about an hour and a half. Am I ready? Nein. Kinda playin' the Carrie Bradshaw season one role today, sitting front of my computer in bra and girly boxers, chain smoking, wondering if Aiden got my e-mail.Am I doing it all over again?Had a very nice conversation with the fan. But of course you know that, because you're the only one who reads this.. ;)

Riiiiiiiight....

2005-08-08T16:24:00.000-05:00

I'm kinda tapped out of ideas right now. I'm gonna explore the more fun side of the internet for a little while. I'll let you know what I find...

Dear Whats-Her-Name

2005-08-08T08:24:00.000-05:00

I didn't actually send this one back to her. Because I could give a shit. But my reader deserves a response, I feel.I'm impressed. See, most men, it takes them at least a couple of weeks after you remove their meal ticket to see the light. I'm glad to know that Big had enough sense to not let you throw a pissy fit on my lawn, or in my home. (Which would have been tricky seeing is how I

Dear Me:

2005-08-08T08:22:00.000-05:00

This is the letter that I recieved from Whats-her-name. It's only slightly incoherant and she does that thing where she uses big words here and there to make herself seem more intellegent. Bravo!No, this is not the original owner of this particular Blog. I have never figured out entirely how to work this, nor do I actually care to. I wanted to communicate with you, though, my emotions on life in

This is not a joke...

2005-08-05T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not kidding- I opened a cafe express store when I was like, a senior in high school. I made up this pink smiley thing that I call "Chewy," and made shirts that say ---brace yourself.Fuck Bob.The original joke wuzzat my brother had adopted the name "bob" while HE was in high school, and because he was all cool and artsy, all of my friends were in love with him.So much that they'd ditch me to

I think I'm im love...

2005-08-05T19:16:00.000-05:00

Big's sister referred to a "good piece" as a "good meal"Spec-fucking-tacular.

Dear Big's Really Cool Sister:

2005-08-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

Well...uhm.. in a nutshell, as you already know- I was crazy mad in love with him, we'd dated "officially" and I broke up with him after some reasonably understandable hormonal problems (which were dealt with...anyway) The real situation is that I was dying to get him back, but he always said that he wasn't "ready" for another real commited relationship.Which I can totally understand. Fool me

Dear The Other Woman- Part 2

2005-08-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help myself.

You can tell by the way I use my walk...

2005-08-05T08:19:00.000-05:00

I went to Wally World today to get a new ac adapter for my electric drill and ...well, while walking through the door, I couldn't help but notice that I have a strut. Yes, a strut.I wasn't walking- hell, I wasn't even like, walking-like-I-got-some (because frankly, if that were the case, it would be more of a bow-legged stride.)I was strutting my shit down those aisles like I was hotter than

Yeah, I know.

2005-08-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

I'm completely speechless. Like, in my head, I would get up and blog away about what happened yesterday, but I am completely speechless. Maybe I need to let it sit for a while and then I'll have some witty comentary on the whole affair.I'll just say this.It was lengthy. It was amazing. And I blacked out after it was all over.Good, huh?

I see you shiver... with anticip...............

2005-08-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

pation.Aiden is on his way here as I type. God, I hope I don't make a fool of myself.

Tastes like burning...

2005-08-01T18:39:00.000-05:00

So. Yeah. I'm still furious, but it's not so much about Big anymore, it's me. I'm furious for falling for the bullshit.He's a man-whore. Only he was a man whore that didn't put out. Yeah, I'd get snuggles and shit, but only enough for "gas to visit his family" or some other such bullshit.Did I mention the other girl is 17 years old? Yeah, his baby sister's friend.The whole thing is pretty

Dear Aidan:

2005-07-31T03:35:00.000-05:00

You're like, the best kisser ever. Can't wait to see you again.Tchuss!

Dear The Other Woman:

2005-07-29T17:20:00.000-05:00

Of course, Big told you everything about us. How he's been living with me off and on for over a year. How he crawls into my bed and puts his arms around me and calls me his "Poobie" so that I'll give him some cash for smokes and gas (to visit you, I'll wager.)I'm sure he told you all sorts of horrible things about me. I'm controlling, bitchy, etc, etc. (That is, if he mentioned me at all

This person will self destruct in 5...4....3....2.....

2005-07-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

So I'm sitting in the floor of my bedroom. Looking out into the living room. That is a complete disaster area. I'm packing (alone) and trying to clean (alone) and I just feel tired. That could have something to do with the fact that I worked last night, haven't slept, and have to work tonight. (BTW: Big had a family emergency, so that's why he's not helping, otherwise, I'm sure he would. I'd

Hey, look! It's a condo!

2005-06-29T03:20:00.000-05:00

So it's not really an "apartment" it's a CONDO. Ooooh.. magic. I did such a naughty thing. I applied for a Home Depo credit card, and guess what? I was approved for 500 bucks. Now, I am so anti credit, and Big will most likely beat me rotten for even thinking of applying (since I made him put his credit card in the blender last week). But hear me out. I'm really pressed on this moving thing

Movin' fever is a bitch.

2005-06-28T04:35:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so, I took a nap and I kept dreaming about the new place. I even *gasp* applied for Sears Credit so I can buy a bitchen ass washer and dryer combo dealeo. Not like the washer/dryer together crap, but like a big hawkin set that I can do like, sheets and blankets and stuff in. Ooooh...creamy.Big's warming up to the idea, I think. Especially when I gave him my idea for the "gaming" area..

Orgasm in a box!

2005-06-27T17:14:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, movin' fever.I found these apartments that are remarkably similar to my present domicile. Namely, cheap. However, these have central heat and air (as opposed to my window unit), a dishwasher, (as opposed to my sink), and WASHER AND DRYER CONNECTIONS. How much, you ask? Only $25 more than I already spend! Take that, booyah!Yeah, I haven't posted in a while, so you missed all the good

Scroll buttons and the lappy together at last...

2005-06-15T15:53:00.000-05:00

So. Um. Yeah. Nothing big, nothing new. Not really.Boring boring life.Ich learnen sie duetsch.It's a little harder than I'm letting on, mostly because it's a summer class and because I'm in class from 10 am til 3 pm and I like to get SOME sleep before I patter my ass into work at night, I'm not having toooooo much time to do homework. Or study. Or concentrate on anything for more than a couple of

Oh, BTW ^__^

2005-06-11T17:48:00.000-05:00

If you wanna check out the vacation photos, don't forget to scroll all the way down and read them going up. Got it? Good.

Worst Episode Ever!

2005-06-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

Alright- So Patriot Getaways was good enough to refund the $35 "cleaning" fee that I paid upon reservation. Go me. I've found that there are more and more reasons to bitch about something (in a conservative and professional way) if you don't feel as though you aren't getting your money's worth. Go me, again.So last night was the absolute night from hell. Two patients had to go to the ER,

Dear Patriot Getaways:

2005-06-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

This past weekend (June 3rd – 5th) I stayed at “Hideaway Haven” and I have to say that although the cabin itself was beautiful, my stay was anything but. The cabin was left littered with receipts from previous guests and there were long strands of dust and spider webs dangling from the end tables. Furthermore, I hardly got any sleep at all during my stay because the beds were very, very

Another work week left...

2005-05-28T08:54:00.000-05:00

So, there's now 6 days until I leave for vacation.Five more work days. Oh, jesus, will it end? It actually hasn't been that bad, since the coolest mommy-type figure ever will be working with me through most of it. (With the exception of my normal days off: tuesday and wednesday). She's really awesome because she laughs at my obscenities, and the word "dickhair" doesn't even scare her away.And

Revel, Revel, Jersey Represent!

2005-05-26T15:21:00.000-05:00

This is where I shall vacation.And it shall be glorious.Eight days. And I won't have a day off from work until then. And won't that suck? Yup. But it'll be worth it. Three days, me and Big... hot tub.Oh yeah.For my next post, I'm going to put up my award winning essay "Just for One Day" (award winning..um.. maybe not. But it did get an A. HA!)Classes start on the day after I get back from

Not as much of a bitch...

2005-05-26T10:16:00.000-05:00

as those people who OWN a freaking gas station, bought winning lottery tickets from their own gas station, and won a bonus 25 g's for being the winning lottery ticket carrying store!Dammit!Well, I suppose I have my answer from Big... I have officially been promoted to "Big's Poobie"I don't know exactly where that is, but I think it's a few notches above where I was. Let me illustrate:Of course,

The Dramatic Return of Aiden....

2005-05-25T14:12:00.000-05:00

A couple of seasons later, Aiden returned, Carrie made amends and they were stronger than ever. Until he tried to marry her. Then it all went to shit.So, the "Aiden" in my life (or who ran screaming from my life) is sorda back in the picture. And I have to say, his timing couldn't be better, you know?I'm making great headway with Big...(well, at least I think I am)I don't want to fuck it up

Nation's Pornstars Demand to be Fucked Harder!

2005-05-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

Big's off looking for a job. It's a long story how his existing job became his non-existing job, but whatever.He was going to quit soon anyway *sigh*.So I've been playing around with Photoshop and I think I'm getting pretty good. Dammit. Check dis:Booyah, bitches!Anywho, in other news with me, I rented a little cabin in Pigion Forge for the weekend of the third. And I can't fricking wait.

Dog can't save you now!

2005-05-20T22:11:00.000-05:00

My bestest friend Kellen (also known as Charlotte, hehe) has started a blog. She's a great writer and she's got pictures of her hot fuzzy toed fiancé guy. Nice.This is BigIn most of his gloryAnd I lurk behind him.Teehee.So he's really in. Unpacked. Off playing with his friends. And I'm strangely cool with that. I have to work tonight. And tomorrow. And the day after, but Sunday my little

I can put my arms around every boy I see...

2005-05-06T07:39:00.000-05:00

they only remind me...remind me of you...I found this awesome cover of Nothing Compares 2 U. I don't know who did it, but it's great, and sung by a dude.Is sung a word?...probably not. whatever.Well, Big's officially "in."English 1010 is over. I made an A. Woot.Uhm. I realize I haven't posted in a while, and I have a very good reason. My Cable's been shut off due to lack of funds for.. uhm.

Dear Jeff,

2005-04-24T04:40:00.000-05:00

I realize what I've done. I've blogged about it, I've stressed about it. I cannot justify my actions, when I know I should have just been honest with you. Though I do not nor cannot feel the way I once felt for you, it is not my intention to hurt you in any way. I honestly hoped you would get the idea when I disappeared, no contact whatsoever. Yes, I'm a busy person, but you know how I am.

Had a bad day again...

2005-04-21T13:42:00.000-05:00

I have less than a month or so until Big moves back in.Are we "together"?..No.But.. again.. His moving back in will at least allow me to satisfy my craving for his presense. And give me further inspiration to get back on the stationary bike. I've been bad. I haven't worked out in like three days (well, I did today- but I'm getting to that.)I've been watching infomercials for the 6 Week

You shot who in the what, now?

2005-04-18T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm back. I haven't really felt like even looking at my computer lately, because it reminds me that I still haven't finished that paper. I've got enough done that it looks like I've been working on it, but I need at least a 4th draft by Wednesday. There's a test tonight in HELLth class, and I promised Stanford I wouldn't miss it. I've also been planning a fabulous trip to Atlanta in

There goes my hero...

2005-04-12T16:47:00.000-05:00

So I have this paper due (well, at least a third draft due) Tomorrow. It's going to be tricky because it's a research paper, and frankly, if I can't just sit down and write something, it's going to suck.But that's good. See, there's this formula that I have for writing themes for class. If I hate it and wish it did NOT have my name on it when I turn it in- it's going to be a winner. In

Dear D~

2005-04-12T01:54:00.000-05:00

*This is a letter I sent to a good friend, and aparently, it tapped me out. When I came to do a blog entry, I was dry. I hope she doesn't mind :)* I have a dude that's been replying to some of my posts.. I gotta tell you..it's a little wierd posting to my blog now that I KNOW people are reading it- before, the only one I knew of was my ex (and first lay, at that!) John. He's linked on the site

I have a fan!

2005-04-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

At least someone looks forward to visiting my page-I think at some point this thing almost becomes a chore. It's almost like I hold on to my aggression so long that it becomes comfortable- and not blog-worthy anymore. I'll do my best. I posted a new comic- Big took me to Hard Rock Cafe in Nashville for m'b-day and it was lovely. The "cute in a cap" comment wasn't quite so ..uh.. blatant. And

Blah.

2005-04-10T12:29:00.000-05:00

Word Of The Day.

2005-04-05T08:59:00.001-05:00

Amberlee: verb to trick a man into believing that you love him, cheat repeatedly on him, and to treat him like shit when he moves on with his life with another girl; also to badmouth said new girl to mutual friends even though the psycho bitch in question has never met the new girl.noun the person who performs the actions listed above.

2005-04-05T08:56:00.001-05:00

Mommy Dearest.

2005-04-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

My Worst Nightmare.

2005-04-05T08:55:00.000-05:00

Unintentional.

I Heart Staples.

2005-04-05T04:44:00.001-05:00

I broke down and bought a scanner. See, mom was going to give me one of her "spare" printers/scanner/xerox combos, but I haven't spoken to her in a while. I've been pretty busy, but the last time we spoke, she laid down the law about my financial situation. Yes, I am a grown ass woman, but her opinion really matters, and she doesn't realize how much. Suck it. Suck it dry.

I've been a naughty girl.

2005-03-21T08:54:00.000-06:00

So I haven't updated in a long ass time.So sue me. I present the argument again that it's not like anyone reads this bloody thing.I've had some encouragement from Big and John (I almost called him Tetsuo! HA!) to start a webcomic. Though, I'm sure if Big found out that he's like a star player in the whole thing, he wouldn't be so enthusiastic about the thing. I've started working on some

Holy Hell! Someone read my blog!

2005-03-15T10:29:00.000-06:00

This guy Tim read my blog and posted a really nice Chasing Amy style comment (on the Close your eyes... post) He has the coolest computer desk ever.Anyway, I snatched Big from the airport Saturday afternoon and we spent the rest of the day together watching movies, and most of the night drinking frozen strawberry jesus juice, made courtesy of my Magic Bullet. (Which is not a sex toy, I promise,

This is too fucking funny.

2005-03-11T12:47:00.000-06:00

Here.

Flaming bitch from hell!

2005-03-11T12:05:00.000-06:00

So, there's one day left.And there was much rejoicing. Big was good enough to leave his posh ass Dodge Intrepid in my charge for the duration of his trip and I was good enough to do something funky to cause the battery to die when I went to drive it back to student parking across the street. So guess what I'll be doing today?It just hit me that I had Spring Break assignments for English class.

Close your eyes and I'll be on my way...

2005-03-08T10:59:00.000-06:00

So, I took Big to the airport yesterday. I've never done a drop off or a pick up before, but I'm under the impression that that's a very "girlfriend" thing to do, right? I'm a depression spender, and yesterday I traded in my faithful Gameboy Advance SP for a Nintendo DS.I am the Yu-Gi-Oh! master.I'm also tearing ass on Big's copy of Wario Ware Touched.Even though Hypercube sucked, Cube was

CHUNG! CHUNG! SVU and the start of Spring break.

2005-03-03T22:56:00.000-06:00

I ordered the fifth season of Law and Order: SVU (my favorite show, ever) and it should be here just in time for me to start a week long veg-out for Spring break. Of course, it won't be a full veg out, since I still have to work, but at least I won't have to worry about classes and whatnot.Like I do anyway. Anyway...Big is flying to Texas for Spring break. I don't know all of the details, but

A drunk guy giving bowling tips.

2005-03-03T09:53:00.000-06:00

I had the most amazing night with Big. He's been on jury duty for the past few days, so I haven't heard from him then out of the blue last night around midnight, I hear the soft opening notes of "California Dreamin'" and my heart jumps. I ask if he wants to tag along while I go do laundry. (Because I am but a helpless female and I enjoy having a big strong man around while I do dangerous things

I'm never hearing from him again.

2005-02-25T09:26:00.000-06:00

The following is a pathetic last ditch effort to contact Aiden. He was offline at the time and the messages were sent via Yahoo messenger. I am truly pathetic.sadako: Aiden, shame on me for having some sentiments of faith that you were actually willing to try to have something with me (even if were only sex or something WHICH by the way, I am perfectly fine with.) when I should have just

Movin' on up...

2005-02-25T09:02:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I think I've decided that I want to move. Not that I haven't enjoyed living in a matchbox, but I think it's time for me to get some space. And an apartment with washer and dryer connections, because frankly, I'm getting tired of those late night runs to the laundromat. Because that sucks. The one part of my job that I loathe above all others is feeding. I can handle wiping ass,

Sunshine on my goddamn shoulders!

2005-02-23T20:46:00.000-06:00

So, I get pulled aside from my charge nurse last night and he thanks me for coming to night shift- he gave me a little pep talk about being AWOL sunday that ended with a huge pelvic thrust and an exclamation of "fuck em!"I love this guy.I get somewhat mixed signals, sometimes. He worked with my mother (who still works there) years and years ago, and I think there's this "weird" thing with

Heresy.

2005-02-22T10:38:00.000-06:00

I feel like shit. I feel like I screwed things up at my job (they changed the schedule and didn't notify me, so I was awol Sunday night.) I've skipped two different classes this week, and I'm either trying to get sick, or trying to convince myself that I'm sick in order to justify all of this delinquent behavior. This sucks. Haven't heard from Aiden in...fuck, I don't even know anymore. And

Big's Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary.

2005-02-19T10:57:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday was Big's birthday. And for about three months now, he'd had a hair up his ass to go to a strip club for his 23rd birthday because he'd never ever ever ever been to one. Now, because I'm the coolest person ever, I volunteered to take him and be his DD. Before hand, I surprised him with tickets to seePS- Henry and Auggie were great.Bob Zany sucked SO MUCH ASS.So after the big affair,

I want candy!

2005-02-17T22:56:00.000-06:00

So, I finally fixed some W2 problems and I should be having my money bin built tomorrow. Yay! Well, actually, I'm thinking of buying a laptop. My issue here is that I have such a problem spending large amounts of money on a single thing. I know I want one, I probably need one, but ... I don't know. I bought a laptop off of EBay, but it sucked. It really didn't suck THAT bad- but I just felt

I have to lose 20 more pounds or I'll never be pretty!

2005-02-15T21:46:00.000-06:00

So, Both of our work schedules suck, but at least I have a steady schedule. He never knows when they'll call him in, but it's most likely going to happen when I make plans to see him. Life is grand. This is Aiden I'm talking about by the way. Dammit.

Crappy Valentine's Day.

2005-02-14T21:01:00.000-06:00

No update today. I don't think anyone, with the exception of a couple of my patients, have even wished me a Happy Valentine's Day today. With that in mind, I wish all of you well with this article from the OnionEnjoy! Latest Bin Ladin Videotape Wishes America 'A Crappy Valentine's Day'WASHINGTON, DC—A new videotape of Osama bin Laden broadcast on the Arab satellite news channel Al-Jazeera

I'm a natural brunette.

2005-02-13T17:51:00.000-06:00

It feels weird to be a brunette. I don't think I've had hair that wasn't blue, pink, blonde, red, or some other unnatural shade for oh, say 10 years or so. At least now you can't see my roots growing back. Ohhyeah.Yeah, I spoke to Aiden today on the phone. I can be impatient, and I didn't want to be a drag at work tonight wondering if I should still pursue or what the hell ever.He says yes,

This is why I have little voodoo dolls of my ex's.

2005-02-13T09:37:00.000-06:00

So, even though he should have taken the hint and not even looked for my blog, my ex-boyfriend John, who was previously mentioned as the graduated-married-so-happy-he-could-shit kinda guy who makes me feel like a dribbling retarded loser, has stumbled upon my blog and was kind enough to leave a wise ass comment about the "type" who leave comments on my page.Will the judgment ever end?Anyway, I

I feel stupid and contagious...

2005-02-12T00:19:00.000-06:00

I am sick. Not just in the way you may be thinking from reading my previous posts, but really really sick. The flu is HUGE in Tennessee right now, and I've been trying my best to avoid it like the fricking plague. (Duh.) But here it is, at least the infant version. I'm stuffy, sore, coughing, but still able to function miserably. Yesterday, as predicted, dinner and a movie with Big turned

This house is clean...

2005-02-10T17:34:00.000-06:00

I erased Aiden's phone number from my cell phone. I'm not the type to remember phone numbers, so he's pretty much gone forever. I'll stop pathetically calling him every 3.53 hours and he'll never call me, and if for some reason (like he needs cash or something- fucking men.) he calls me, I won't answer because if I don't know the number, I don't answer. Going out to eat/movie at KUC with Big

Alton Brown really is my true love.

2005-02-09T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I did good today. I think the last time I tried to call was today at around 11 am. I'm not calling anymore. When I reach a point where I begin asking myself what I did wrong- it's time to walk away. If he can't handle me, his fucking loss. I was willing to look past his horrific teeth, too. I actually found them charming. Silly me. There is only one man on whom I can depend. Alton

These are a dead woman's treats!

2005-02-08T17:15:00.000-06:00

Ok, so now I'm back at square one, wondering exactly what I did- how many hearts did I break in a past life to deserve this. It's been maybe three days since I've heard from Aiden. I mean ANYTHING- e-mails, calls... nothin. I hate to sound like I'm preaching from the book, but seriously. If a guy likes someone, I mean REALLY likes them and at least has a minimal amount of desire to be in a

He's not dead, I'm not a plague.

2005-02-03T18:50:00.000-06:00

Ok, so FINALLY Aiden called me. Apparently, this security company hired him (as a temp?) to work this crazy midnight to 6 pm shift (God, this sounds so bad.) Like I said, I understand the need for money- I need it myself from time to time. The shitty part is that he's working tonight- then he goes back to his regular job tomorrow night (he works 6p-6a friday through sunday at another security

Do what now?

2005-02-02T23:13:00.000-06:00

src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js"> Ok... So, when Aiden

Nicholas Sparks is the DEVIL!

2005-02-01T21:40:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I just finished The Notebook. Yes, I know I just bought it a few hours ago. I'll be honest with you, I pretty much already knew the story thanks to the artist formerly known as the love of my life. Anyway, I just have to tell you that it physically hurt to read the final chapters of this book. My eyes burned, my face contorted, and still, I pressed on. I completed it and drifted off

Chipping away with a hacksaw...

2005-02-01T20:20:00.000-06:00

Ok. So, we had plans to meet tonight. (Aiden, of course). I should start by saying that no one knows the pang of debt more than I. I struggle with it on a daily basis- well, I used to. Before I had the knowlege and power to tell bill collectors "Hey, you wanna sue over $300 bucks, go ahead, but lemme tell ya. Logic would denote that if I had said money, we wouldn't be having this

My Monday night HELLth class.

2005-01-31T21:30:00.000-06:00

So due to scheduling conflicts with my new high powered government job (yeah, right..) I was forced to drop my day classes and replace them with the only classes available- 3 hour, one night per week classes. So, Monday is 1530 Health and Wellness. You know, that class that your high school made you take during the split semester alongside Driver's Ed? I think I could tolerate the homework (if

All you need is love...

2005-01-30T23:23:00.000-06:00

I'm on a roll tonight. I really need to get to bed, but I'm having a hard time. I can't help thinking about him and having naughty thoughts. Aiden that is. No, I guess not naughty like you may be thinking if you stumbled upon this page while searching for naughty nurses spanking sheep or something. Like, bad emotional feelings...Scary emotional feelings.I've always been really bad about

And furthermore...

2005-01-30T23:05:00.000-06:00

I love Dave Ramsey. I think he's an incredible and thoughtful person, even though we don't agree on religious terms. A few months back, Dave went on a tyrade concerning the "Quarter-Life Crisis". He feels that such a thing is absolutely ludicrus. And normally, I'd be tempted to agree. The problem is that I am going through a quarter-life crisis. And frankly, I'd be really hypocritical to rant

The Anti-Big

2005-01-30T22:26:00.000-06:00

So, I've been talking to this guy who I met on the internet. For safety's sake, I'll refer to him as Aiden. I can't begin to describe him because he is just so damn cool. Not like, cool as in the guys who used to slam me into lockers in high school, I mean cool as in he reads comic books, at least KNOWS what a decent job entails, and has the capacity to have amazing, animated conversations about

See, I told you so.

2005-01-15T08:23:00.000-06:00

You scored 40% Carrie Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again,

My life as Sex and the City. This is messed up.

2005-01-15T08:03:00.000-06:00

I am friggin Carrie Bradshaw. I'm not skinny with perfect wild blond hair, but personality wise, I am so friggin Carrie Bradshaw. I am desperately in love with an emotionally detatched wad of perfection (Big), and my three best friends are a sex fiend (Samantha), a girl who is naive but sweet as hell (Charlotte), and a ball busting career woman (Miranda). My other best friend is adorably gay (

All Bigs must DIE!!!!

2004-07-04T18:03:00.000-05:00

Ok. I'm tired. Very very tired. I now work two jobs, I haven't had a day off (at ALL) in 9 days. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Sometimes all I want is just a little support. *sigh* Ok, here's the story. Big has been living with me for almost a year now. We started off as fuck buddies, then I fell for him- because I'm stupid -and we dated for a forgotten amount of time. Well, (and

Free the WM3!!!

2004-06-25T20:55:00.000-05:00

It is unsettling that in this day and age we still must fear "witch hunts" in the United States. If you are unfamiliar with the case of which I speak, you should visit Free the West Memphis Three. I remember seeing the orginal documentary Paradise Lost: The Robin Hood Hills Murders several years ago on HBO. My fellow 13 year old psuedo lesbian activist friends and I would talk for weeks about