Ow, my most of me!

I'm staring at my cell phone. A couple of hours ago, I read something that touched me so deeply, I have become absolutely speechless.

And sex wasn't even involved. Amazing.

I want to call Richard. I want to call him and tell him ...

what do I want to tell him? What could I tell him that wouldn't make me sound like some yippity pup, nipping at his heels and begging for his affection-slash-attention? Why do I suddenly feel the need to be "adult" instead of being "honest"?

That I haven't felt this way ... um... ever. That while I understand that when a person begins falling for someone new, it's going to feel different, but I never expected to be falling so hard, or so fast. And it scares me. Mostly because I'm afraid I'll scare him away.

And then there's the idea that what I'm feeling is just my need to be with someone that I can believe really understands me.

But why "just"... isn't that what everyone wants?

That I don't want to over-psychoanalyze what I'm feeling until it turns into nothing. That I don't believe in coincidences... and the fact that the two of us were trapped figuratively in the same boat, and literally in the same shitty apartment complex for the past several months?

That when we talk on the phone, I have that *almost* uncontrollable urge to close with that little three-word phrase that makes most men's innards freeze up solid? I'm not joking, this goes even for the very first time I spoke to him. It sounds silly, right? I didn't really know him then, and I guess by most standards, I still don't REALLY know him...

But why do I feel like I do?

Why do I feel so close to this man whom I up until recently referred to as "the fan"...

At least he has good taste in writers.

If I were a religious woman, I would say that he's the answer to my prayers.

But I'm a blogger, so he's the answer to my blog-pleas for a real man.

I thought to myself earlier... that I don't want to get hurt again.

But more importantly, I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to frighten, intimidate, or pursue where not welcome.

I guess I'm the frightened and intimidated one.