Big's Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary.

So, yesterday was Big's birthday. And for about three months now, he'd had a hair up his ass to go to a strip club for his 23rd birthday because he'd never ever ever ever been to one. Now, because I'm the coolest person ever, I volunteered to take him and be his DD. Before hand, I surprised him with tickets to see

PS- Henry and Auggie were great.
Bob Zany sucked SO MUCH ASS.

So after the big affair, we strolled on to Anthony's Showplace...

So- even though I'm working on years of anti-strip club hostility and the fact that our primary purpose for coming here was to get Big a lap dance, I think the fact that I only threw up once is a frickin' sign of progress. (No, I didn't throw up in public, I politely excused myself, exited to the nearest restroom and prayed to the porcelain god) When I exited, a stripper approached me.
"Are you *****?" She asks and smiles.
"Yes..." I answer cautiously.
She extends her hand.
"I need you to follow me..."

I begin to see the little dots that appear when you've lost a lot of blood, or are dehydrated and are about to faint.

"No..no, that's ok.." I say.
She nods.
"No, really, it's been paid for!" She smiles again.
I glare at Big who is innocently watching the girl on stage. At that moment, I want his head to explode. No, no, I want him to suffer. I want him to be hung from his toes, permitted several drops of water per day to keep him alive while he is torchered from head to toe in varying non-sexual ways. Then I want him to die.

I point at him.
"Take him- it's his birthday. But thanks anyway."

Big notices my return to the table, shoots a puzzled look, and turns while my propositioner takes his hand and leads him away.

Let me explain something about this situation. Big knew I was uncomfortable. I was doing the best I could handing him dollar bills and saying "ooh, she's cute! tip her!" But I was still uncomfortable. My stomach was churning and obviously, I wasn't in the best of stages to be jolted further.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING!?!??!!!!!??!

Now, second of all, the "girl" that he chose looked to be in her late 30's, early 40's, with kinda saggy boobs and huge lovehandles. I'm not saying that she wasn't attractive, but she was definitely the least attractive one there.

When he got back, he leaned in and whispered, "that one kind of sucked..."

Ok, so I'm supposed to feel better that you tried to buy me a shitty lapdance?

I didn't say that. At least not until the ride home.
And now, a "for those who don't know" moment.
I love Big. I am so fucking crazy in love with Big or else I wouldn't have volunteered to do this with him in the first place. BUT... actually being there, and actually seeing all of these beautiful women flirt and rub their tits on his head (yes, I'm very aware it's all a game, faked, and paid for, blah blah) ... it was traumatic. So, Big got three lapdances that night, one from this tall hot blond, one from the ..uh.. reject, and one from this adorable brunette with long hair and glasses. (If he had picked her, I probably would have gone for it. Dammit.)

Around 12:30, I decided that I was going to have to start breathing out of a paper sack if I stayed for another second, so I finished my last cigarette and pretended to be shocked and disappointed to be out. I handed Big some singles and said:
"Here, go tip"
I waited a couple of minutes and walked behind him.
"Hey, I'm going to get some more smokes, stay put."
I walked outside to my car, unsure if I'd make it all the way. When I finally reached it, I sat in the driver's seat and pulled the back of the chair back as far as it would go. I stared at the ceiling of my car trying to figure out exactly what I was thinking. What bothered me more, the geriatric stripper... the fact that he though at lapdance was what I needed...the visuals of him being groped by these hot chicks, or the fact that when he got back from the adorable brunette, he leaned over and whispered, "oh, you are so getting some tonight..."

Around 1:00, he appeared outside my car and said he was ready to go. He asked if we could stop by the bowling alley near Antioch to "say hi" to a couple of people. I am but a willing slave. I do feel the need to emphasize this- at this point, I have had oh, about 2 hours of sleep since Thursday at about 5 pm. It's one in the morning, and I have class at 9 am. So, when we get there, they were about 20 minutes from closing, I'm exhausted, I feel like my eyeballs are going to turn to ash and drift away, so Big's all "So everybody, we goin' to IHOP after this?"

Jesus fricking Christ.

So, Big asked if I was going to stay in the car and take a nap while he visited with his friends at IHOP. I said "Probably..." but then I thought... what am I afraid of? I used to do this with the ex-fiance all the time, not want to hang out with his friends- even the harmless male friends. So, when we got there, I actually went in, hung out, laughed, and polished off an entire pot of coffee and about 30 creamers all by myself. Big kept thanking me for taking him, thanking me for the lapdances, thanking me for the Zanies show, apologizing for my being upset. I finally said "you don't have to keep thanking me and saying you're sorry...it's not your fault, I'm just trying to work some things out now..."

Around 4 am, we return to Murfreesboro and I ask if he wants to stay over. I know it will end up in sex, even though I vowed I wouldn't give him any. At this point, though, I really just needed someone to lay in bed and maybe throw an arm or leg over me as a reminder that he's there. It was nice.

Anyway, so that's my night. I just hope my new medical insurance will cover the therapy required to unburn those images from my mind. In the meantime, did somebody say Jack Daniel's Lynchburg Lemonade?