Dear Jeff,

I realize what I've done. I've blogged about it, I've stressed about it. I cannot justify my actions, when I know I should have just been honest with you. Though I do not nor cannot feel the way I once felt for you, it is not my intention to hurt you in any way. I honestly hoped you would get the idea when I disappeared, no contact whatsoever. Yes, I'm a busy person, but you know how I am. If I wanted us to work, I would have done anything to make time for a relationship with you. I was horrible, and I'm sorry.

I'm sure if you've been reading my blogs, that you know that I am very much in love with Big, and sure, it may be a silly puppy love type thing, but I care for him so strongly, I can't deny it.

I know it would have been easier with you. Simple. Loved.

But I couldn't take it. When I would sit next to you and wish you were him, wish you weren't the man who broke my heart, wish you were anyone but you.

I got very angry and defensive when you accused me (even jokingly) of using you for a meal and a fuck.

Maybe that's because I was. Not conciously, but something deep down felt as though you owed me for this future that you promised that never happened.

In retrospect, I suppose, at the time I was craving what we had so badly. The verbal notes of affection. Which, I admit, I still miss from time to time. But, I'm learning to appreciate other ways of affection, and my need to "hear" the sweet nothings is diminishing.

I'm happy now. I'm stressed, and I crave a man who is rightfully holding back from me. But I'm happy.

Jeff, I don't hate you. I don't particularly feel anything at all. I've gotten over you completely and I hope you burn my guitar case.

Make it a symbolic representation of anything that happened between us, let it go, and move on.

Good luck at AP.

~Me