Had a bad day again...

I have less than a month or so until Big moves back in.

Are we "together"?..
No.

But.. again.. His moving back in will at least allow me to satisfy my craving for his presense. And give me further inspiration to get back on the stationary bike. I've been bad. I haven't worked out in like three days (well, I did today- but I'm getting to that.)

I've been watching infomercials for the 6 Week Makeover program and I really want to get it. It's like over a hundred bucks, and it would really slow down my debt snowball... plus is requires a lot of cooking, from what I've seen. Mostly because you have to eat, like, every two hours.

And it all makes sense, you know. I know you have to eat to keep your metabolism working, but I lack the cognitive ability to actually conciously eat "something" every two hours. I'm a huge smoker, why can't cigarettes have like, 10 calories each or something? My metabolism would be working CONSTANTLY. Well, actually, since nicotine is a stimulant, my metabolism probably is working, but the tar preventing oxygen getting to my muscles is probably counteracting all of this working out I've been doing.

It's a vicious cycle.

Anyway, I haven't felt good at all for the past two days. It's one of those things where I don't know what IS wrong, but I know something isn't right. A girl in my English class has a nasty stomach virus. Last night, about four hours before I'm supposed to be at work all kinds of nasty starts happening. To be honest, I don't know if it was a virus or the leftover pizza, but let's say it was nasty, mighty nasty. So I called out.

I HATE calling out at work. I'm so afraid that I'll get in trouble, but if I show up puking everywhere, chances are good that they'll send me home anyway. And if it was a virus, I don't need to take that to work, where I'm in contact with around 60 immunity-impaired veterans.

But I'm not "in" at the hospital yet, you know? I'm still "sorda" on probation, and I'm terrified that they'll kick me out. We're really short handed, and I know what the VA goes through to hire someone in, so the likelyhood of me getting FIRED for calling out is nill, but I still worry. I think it comes from the lack of bitching that happens when one does call out. See, everywhere else I've ever worked, if you have to call out, you get shit. "Uh! Why!? Are you SURE you can't come in!?"

This place, you call the NOD, who is overlord of the whole hospital, and she calls your team on the unit on which you work. She (or He) gives you NO shit whatsoever.

It's actually kinda cool.

But I need to be good. No more calling out, dammit.

Actually, since the semester is almost over, I'm going to talk to the head nurse (the head nurse! ha!) and see if she needs someone for second a few nights a week. I'll pull a few doubles, I can really use the money.

Yeah, that's it.

PS- I did work out today. Take that, Denise Austin!

You shot who in the what, now?

Yeah, I'm back. I haven't really felt like even looking at my computer lately, because it reminds me that I still haven't finished that paper. I've got enough done that it looks like I've been working on it, but I need at least a 4th draft by Wednesday. There's a test tonight in HELLth class, and I promised Stanford I wouldn't miss it. I've also been planning a fabulous trip to Atlanta in June so that I may go to 6 flags for the bloody first time in my life. (I also need a little vacation before I start this fricking Nursing program...) I don't even know if this is what I want to do with my life, but I certainly don't want to wipe asses for the next four years while I get my teaching degree. Plus, ... as much as money shouldn't matter- it does. I'll make much more as a nurse. Hell, as a CNA, I make more than most teachers starting out, you know? By the time I have a degree, I'd have to take a HUGE pay cut to move into my field! And that's dumb.

See, Big has dedication. He starts student teaching next Spring and I'm very excited for him. And for me... because he's moving back in!

No, we aren't a "thing" ....
But he feels for my plight of being extrememly lonely and depressed about the whole nursing school thing where my schedule will be
Work: 11pm-7am
Class: 7:45am-2:30pm
Monday through freaking Friday.

It's gonna suck. I'm going to need emotional support. And while he's student teaching, he's not going to be able to work, so he needs financial support. We fit together soooo nicely, right?

I know the whole things sounds like a stupid plan. I'm just getting my hopes up. He's using me until something better comes along, but you don't know how good it feels to come home to him sleeping in my bed.

I'd give anything to have that back again.

I'm pathetic.

But I did get some the other day. >:)

It's a start.